Josie's big beef

HEART BLUE-HANDED PRIVATE FOODS — YEARS AND YEARS SLOW DOWN — THESE DAYS WE MEET A LOT OF NEW FRIENDS OVER THE INTERNET, PEOPLE TALK TO EACH OTHER, THEY LEARN FROM EACH OTHER BECAUSE OF THEIR FOOD. SEVERAL OF THESE GIRLS ARE PARTICULARLY IMPRESSED BY THE BLUE HEART. NOT BECAUSE OF THE BEAUTY OF THE FACE, BUT BECAUSE THEY ALL HAVE ONE THING IN COMMON. DAD DIED YEARS AGO. THEY FOUND THEIR HEART BLUE BECAUSE THEY HAD MADE SOME OF THEIR FATHER'S FAVORITE FOODS, RED MEAT, POWDERED MEAT, AND THREE CUPS OF CHICKENS... TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER. IN WORDS, A DEEP LOVE BETWEEN A FATHER AND A DAUGHTER IS SCATTERED, AND THE HEART IS SHAKEN BY THE MEMORY OF A FATHER IN HEAVEN. FOR A LONG TIME, I COULDN'T GET BACK TO NORMAL, AND I PICKED UP MY PHONE AND CALLED MY FATHER, AND THE CALL FROM THE MICROPHONE WAS FAMILIAR: "DING DING DING DING." THAT'S MY NICKNAME. ONLY DAD CAN CALL IT. IGNORANT TEARS SLIP ACROSS THE SURFACE AND ARE A MOVING EJECTION. NO MATTER HOW OLD I AM, HOW FAR I GO, IN THE EYES OF MY FATHER, I'LL ALWAYS BE THE NAUGHTY BOY, THE TINKLING. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU SUFFER, NO MATTER WHAT THE SETBACKS YOU SUFFER, IT'S NOT TOO BAD TO HEAR FROM YOUR FATHER. THE FATHER'S BODY, ALTHOUGH OVER 60 YEARS OLD, WAS FULL OF RED LIGHT, WALKING WITH WIND, LOUD WITH VOICE, BRIGHT WITH OPTIMISM AND, APART FROM HIS WHITE HAIR, MORE SPIRITUAL THAN THE YOUNG. I'M HAPPY COMPARED TO THOSE NETIZENS. IN THEM, I SEE THE SADNESS OF “THE QUIETNESS OF THE TREES AND THE WIND, THE DESIRE OF THE CHILDREN TO LIVE IN PEACE”, WHICH IS AN IMPECCABLE SORROW, A SORROW OF REGRET, AND A SORROW THAT CANNOT BE HEALED IN LIFE. FROM THE MOMENT WE WERE BORN, WE WERE DESTINED TO ENJOY THE SELFLESS LOVE OF OUR FATHER. THE FATHER AND THE MOTHER ARE HERE IN THE BLUE OF THE HEART, AND FROM THE MOMENT I REMEMBER, THE FATHER IS IN MY MEMORY LAUGHING AND RESPONDING. WHAT I WANT IS SOMETHING THAT MY FATHER WOULD SECRETLY BUY ME, NO MATTER HOW MUCH HIS MOTHER OBJECTS TO, AND WHAT I DIDN'T THINK WAS AN ADDITIONAL SURPRISE FROM MY FATHER. BEST FOR ME, BEST FOR ME. WHEN I WAS A KID, I LIKED TO EAT THE SKIRTS OF THE NAILS, AND MY DAD HAD A RECORD OF EATING THEM FOR THREE MONTHS, SO MY MOTHER WOULD THROW UP NOW WHEN SHE SAW THEM. FATHER LOVES BEEF, ESPECIALLY THE CHEWING BEEF, BUT THE HEART BLUES DON'T CHEW BEEF WHEN THEY'RE LITTLE, SO DAD'S ALMOST NEVER HAD BEEF ... MAYBE IT'S THIS INDIGNITY, MAYBE IT'S FATHER'S TOLERANCE, AND ALL THIS IS TAKEN FOR GRANTED. WITH AGE, I'M TIRED OF MY FATHER'S NAGGING LOVE, MOTHER-IN-LAW'S TINKERING. THE HEART BLUES BEGAN TO HIT ON THE FATHER, AND THEY STARTED TO TEASE HIM, AND THEY BEGAN TO TURN AGAINST HIM. THE FATHER DID NOT BLAME THE BLUES AND, AS ALWAYS, TOOK CARE OF WHAT HE SAW AS “DINGLINGS”, WHICH HE REPEATED DAY AFTER DAY. THE BLUE HEART IS INCREASINGLY HOPING TO ESCAPE THE LOVE OF THESE EARS. FINALLY, I WENT TO COLLEGE, LEFT THE CITY FOR MORE THAN A DECADE, MET MANY NEW FRIENDS, HAD A THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH AT THEIR DISPOSAL, GOT RID OF MY FATHER'S TENDER EYES AND FELT THAT THE WORLD WAS TOO GOOD. WITHOUT A PLAN TO WASTE MONEY, WITHOUT RESTRAINT, THE RESULT IS THAT LIFE IS A MESS, DIRTY CLOTHES ARE PILED UP, BEDROOMS ARE A MESS, BLACK EYES ARE GETTING THICKER... ONE MORNING, I CAME HOME ALL NIGHT, AND I CAME IN, AND I SAW MY FATHER DRAGGING HIS BODY AND WASHING MY CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR, AND I CAME BACK, POINTING AT THE SOY SAUCE ROLLS ON THE TABLE, AND I SAID, "TAKE HOT BREAKFAST AND DON'T DELAY THE CLASS." I RAN AWAY FROM THE BEDROOM AFTER I HAD EATEN THE GRASS, AND I HAD NO HEART TO PICK UP THE BOOKS. I SPENT THE MORNING IN FEAR, WAITING FOR SOME KIND OF STORM, GRINDING BACK TO MY BEDROOM, AND MY FATHER HAD CLEANED UP MY BED LIKE A DOG'S BED: “DING DING DING, DADDY TAKES YOU TO EAT WELL, HUH.” SO, ALL NIGHT LONG, MY FATHER CAME BY CAR TO SEE ME WITH AN ALL-NIGHT GAME, AND I ATE A GREAT MEAL WITHOUT BLAMING ME, BUT WITH A VERY LONG LINE OF WORDS BEFORE LEAVING, "READ MORE, AND I'LL BE ABLE TO SPEND MY YOUTH." I CRIED... SO, YEARS PASSED LIKE WATER... ..HEART BLUES HAD BEEN FLOATING OUTSIDE, SHENZHEN, CHUBBY, LEAVING A LONELY SHADOW. NO MATTER HOW FAR I GO, MY FIRST YEAR'S FATHER WILL COME TO SEE ME, LOOK AT MY WORK ENVIRONMENT, LOOK AT THE HOUSE I LIVE IN, ASK ME TO EAT, HELP ME FIX THE ROOM, LEAVE SOME OF THE TINKLES ON MY BACK AND FALL IN LOVE. EVERY YEAR ON THE EVE OF MY BIRTHDAY, MY FATHER ALWAYS GETS AN EMS PACKAGE, A COUPLE OF MY FAVORITE CIGARETTES, DOZENS OF MY FAVORITE BEAN PACKS... A PHONE CALL EVERY WEEK THAT REPEATS A MILLION TIMES FROM TIME TO TIME... AND NOW THE FATHER IS OLD AND HEALTHY, BUT WORSE THAN EVER. HER HAIR IS WHITE AND HER BACK IS MICROCAMELED, AND EVEN HER FAVORITE WINE IS STOPPED BECAUSE OF CIRRHOSIS. I'M IN A STATE OF MIND, BUT WHEN I'M ALONE, I CAN FEEL HIS SADNESS. NOW, IN TURN, I'M USED TO REGULAR CALLS EVERY WEEK, AND IT'S GETTING LONGER... FATHER, THE WHITE HAIR ON YOUR HORNS, WHICH YOU DO NOT NOTICE, CARRIES A HEAVY BURDEN OF CONCERN TO ME, AND THE BRUISES UPON ME ARE RECORDED IN THE WRINKLES THAT YOU ADD SILENTLY TO YOUR EYES. THANK YOU. YOU RAISED OUR HOUSE WITH NO LONGER-PAINTED SPINES, AND YOU STOPPED ME WITH A SMALL SHOULDER. I KNOW THAT NO ONE CAN STOP YEARS. I KNOW I CAN'T CHANGE YOUR AGEING NO MATTER WHAT I PAY. I ONLY PRAY TO THE HEAVENS, THAT THE YEARS AND YEARS WILL BE SLOWER, AND THAT YOU WILL NOT GROW OLD AND THAT YOUR SON WILL BE ABLE TO COOK, AND THAT HE WILL MAKE YOU YOUR FAVORITE BEEF, WHICH IS THE SMELL OF YOUR MOST CUISINE, THE CHEWING BEEF, FOR YOU, MY FATHER, JUST AS THE CHOPSTICK BROTHERS SANG: “ARE I PROUD, STILL WORRIED ABOUT ME? YOU'VE GOT A CHILD, YOU'VE GROWN UP... ..AND A STRONG FATHER OF HIS LIFE, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, LITTLE CARE... .." MAY THE FATHER OF THE WORLD, AND THE FATHER OF HEAVEN, BE WELL AND HAPPY. IT'S THE BLUES OF THE CHU。